Friendship reason, season + lifetime · ep. 151
Friendship reasons + seasons · ep. 151
different seasons
It’s the last day of June, we’re halfway through this year. Some of you may be soaking up summer. My friends down under, you’re in the middle of your winter. And usually when we talk about seasons, we’re referring to the time of year or the weather. But you experience other seasons, too.
reason, season, or lifetime
I remember when I was in middle school, someone shared a poem with me called, “Reason, Season, or Lifetime” (attributed to Brian A. “Drew” Chalker). Maybe you’ve heard it. In essence, it talks about how people come into your life either for a reason–to help with a struggle or support you for a short time, a season–with you for a period of your life (like 7th grade, or a sports team, etc.), or a lifetime–they teach you lifelong lessons.
After reading this poem, I overanalyzed my current and past friendships and relationships. I tried to find meaning in the ones that were short-lived–what was the reason? I considered past friends and groups, realizing those must’ve been seasons, since they had ended. And I pegged certain friends as ones that would impact me for a lifetime. I can tell you now, looking back on years of relationships, they all had elements of reasons, seasons, and lifetimes.
Some friendship seasons were longer than others, some seasons shifted back and forth, and besides my marriage, only one other friend/relationship has lasted 18 years so far. And that’s okay! Because they all had reasons, too: they all taught me things about myself, about relationships, about what I could give, what I needed, and what I deserved.
songwriting season
I was part of one friend group for only a few months in middle school, and we wanted to start a band (which never took off). But because of our big idea, I started writing songs. TBH my first two dozen songs were not great, hilariously bad. But I kept writing even after our friendship season passed, because I really enjoyed that creative outlet. It really helped me express my emotions (which were all over the place). Eventually I wrote a pretty good song in high school, I performed it a few times and even recorded it at my friend’s house. I kept writing, and in college I took classes on how to be a better songwriter. Years later I picked up songwriting again as an adult hobby. All of that happened because our brief 8th grade friend group wanted to start a band, which is a pretty cool reason.
bff season
Another friend and I didn’t like each other at all when we met in middle school (we both had a crush on the same guy). A few years later we’d moved on from that guy, and we grew closer. We were best friends through high school and did nearly everything together–homework, school dances, church camps, vacations, graduation. We attended the same university, and over time we each got married, moved away from each other, had kids, and got busy with life–which is normal. It’s okay that our friendship looks different now because we’re in very different stages of life than we were in high school. Sometimes friendships extend over decades and sometimes they don’t, and that’s okay. I still treasure the friendship season that we shared over several years.
just friend season
My other best friend in high school was a guy, and I had the biggest crush on him for three years, which made our relationship complicated. Sometimes he liked me back, other times we were just friends. Sometimes we got jealous when we started dating someone else. I cried so much over this guy, wanting him to want me back. But in the end, we were better off as friends, and our friendship season was a lot of fun. That season also taught me that I didn’t need to wait around wishing and hoping the guy I liked would like me back–if he wasn’t interested in me, I didn’t have to try to change his mind. It’s okay that I wasn’t his type, because in the end, he wasn’t mine either.
struggling friend season
I’ve had some more difficult friend/relationship seasons, too, that became lifetime lessons. One friend kept projecting their struggles on to me, making me feel responsible for whether they were feeling good or bad. I later realized I was not responsible for how they felt, and I recognized that our relationship was impacting my own mental health. From that experience I learned to be more aware of whether friends lift me up or weigh me down, and how to refer them to mental health resources that offer more support than I could give as a friend.
fake friends season
Oddly enough, I’m even glad I had a season that I shared with fake friends because there’s still a lifetime lesson in that experience, too. When I found out they were talking about me behind my back and intentionally leaving me out, it hurt. Rejection stinks and it’s lonely. But it opened the opportunity to find a new friend. And this gal helped me see that I deserved friends who respected me and included me. And I’m grateful for the season I shared with this friend before she moved away.
extended friend season
My dear friend who I’ve known for 18 years, we’ve both experienced difficult seasons individually and together. We are very different people now than we were when we first met. And while we’ve drifted at times, our connection remained over the years (mostly thanks to Marco Polo). This friend has been part of my life for nearly half of my life so far. I’m sincerely grateful for the extra long friendship season we share and the lifetime lessons we learned along the way.
live in the present season
Think for a minute about your current and past friend/relationships in the context of reason, season, and lifetime. Maybe some of them don’t fit into one category, or they fit into multiple. Certain relationships may evolve as you get older. Just like seasons of the year, friendship seasons change too; it’s natural. The likelihood that your best friend right now will stay that way for the rest of your life is very slim–not zero, but it’s unlikely. Because life happens–people grow up, mature, change, get careers, move away, lose touch. If anything, it’s a reminder for you to live in the present moment. Enjoy the friendships that you have right now, and allow the reasons, seasons, and lifetime lessons to come and go as they do.
find a reason
Sometimes it will be a blessing in your life. Other times it will be a hard lesson. If it has a bitter ending and you feel like you wasted time or tears, try to learn something from it about yourself or about life. When you’re in the thick of something, seeing another perspective doesn’t come easy. But with time, you may be able to reframe that friendship and figure out its reason, season, or lifetime.
Out of all the topics you gals email me about or comment, friendships and relationships are by far the most requested. So if you need a refresher, here are more friendship/relationship episodes:
011. Find and be a good friend
012. Extinguish friendship fires
013. Make friends using social skills
And now this episode 151. Friendship reasons + seasons
Resources
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