Safety First

We first talked about Your Safety in episode 103, about Code Words, Strangers vs. Tricky People, and what to do in certain situations. Let’s continue our conversation by exploring Online Safety. Because SO much of your life involves digital interaction, it’s important to know how to navigate it. Like I’ve said before, I want to add to your safety tool box because I know what it’s like to be in an unsafe situation online and NOT know what to do, and that can feel scary. My hope is that by talking about these safety tips, you can feel more capable because you’ll have learned what to do. Some of these tips may be new to you, and some you may have heard before, so consider them a friendly reminder–repetition helps us learn, right?

Online Connections

So you have various social circles you interact with daily–your family, your classmates, your group chats, and so on. In these circles you all share about what’s going on in your life, your activities, your weekend plans, etc. But there’s a big difference between talking to your friend or an adult–who you actually know in real life AND who you trust–versus messaging a person you connected with online–through comments, DMs, in a game chat, or even a random text you got. Someone you meet online may seem cool and friendly, but ultimately you don’t actually know them, you don’t know if they are who they say they are. Not everyone you meet online is untrustworthy, but unfortunately there are enough sus people out there who ruin it for everybody so you have to be careful. I’m not saying lock yourself in a tower like Rapunzel and never interact with the outside world. Just be mindful and cautious with your online connections.

Protect Your Personal Information

One way to do that is by protecting your personal information–things like your full name, your birthdate, your phone number, your email, where you live, where you go to school/church/after school activities, etc. You’ve probably heard this before but I want to help you understand why it’s so important AND how to handle it when it comes up. While that info might seem like insignificant details, when used the wrong way, it can put your safety at risk. With just your name and birthday, a scammer can potentially steal your identity. Just knowing the name of your school lets someone you met online know where to find you in-person. Yikes.

How to Respond

So here are some examples of how to respond. If someone asks for your last name, you could say, “Nah, we’re on a first name basis,” or “Online I’m just (nickname/username).” If they ask you how old you are or when your birthday is, don’t tell them the date, and I wouldn’t even share your birth year or your grade either. You could just say you’re a teen, you’re in middle or high school or secondary school. If someone asks where you live, you could just keep it to the state/province/country you’re in, or if you live in/near a big city, like Las Vegas, just stick with that. If they ask you what part of the city you’re in, don’t offer additional info about your cross streets or neighborhood, just keep it to the big city. Now, if you’re from a small town, I would not say the name of your town. And definitely don’t share the name of your school, dance studio, gym, church or anywhere specific someone could go looking for you. For that or really any personal info question that comes up in your conversation, you can just say, “I prefer not to share that,” or “Sorry, that’s too personal!” Another thing, if you’re messaging a person and they offer you more personal details about themselves, don’t feel obligated to give them the same info about you. People don’t really need to know this information–they may WANT to know but they don’t NEED to know. And definitely don’t ask for this info from others either, show the same respect that you would like. If someone keeps pushing you to give them more personal details, block and report them, and tell a trusted adult.

Oversharing Online

On this same thread of protecting your personal information, the same rules apply to what you post online. Too often people overshare their personal or family’s details on a public social media account, for example, a science fair pic shows the name of the school, or a video walking the dog reveals neighborhood street signs, a livestream from vacation shows no one is at their house. I get it, people share this info for their family and friends to see, but if their account is public, that means their life is like a fishbowl–everybody can see inside. So set your accounts to private, only add followers you actually know in real life, and make sure your bio doesn’t share personal info. Some of you gals might be hesitant to do all that, you might enjoy getting likes and having followers beyond family and friends. But the number of likes and follows you receive is not a reflection of your worth. Plus you need to minimize risk, keeping you safe is what matters most. Now if you have to have a public account for sports, performing or visual arts, community work, etc., be very careful what information you share–in some cases it’s unavoidable, like your school’s name is on the front of your jersey, so just be extra cautious what you post and who you interact with online. If an account follows you or messages you but something doesn’t seem right, block and report them. Having a parent monitor your account can add another layer of protection as well. And lastly, do not post in real time–if you take a selfie at the mall with friends, wait until you get home to post about it–we don’t want the wrong person to find you. I know this might throw a wrench into your BeReal streak, but if you must post, frame the photo so no one can tell where you are. 

Absolutely Do Nots

Here are a few things that are Absolutely Do Nots:

• Someone you don’t know sends you a link–absolutely do not. Despite whatever offer it claims–giveaway, cheat code, something else that’s too good to be true–it’s probably something you actually do not want–like a computer virus, or a scam to steal your info, or an inappropriate website, etc. Hard no.
• Someone you do or don’t know asks you to send them an inappropriate picture of you–absolutely do not. Once you send that picture, you have no control over what happens to it, who it’s shared with, how it’s used, etc. Also it could be illegal. So shut down that conversation, and tell your parents or a trusted adult. In the future I want to talk about this issue in greater detail with an expert, but for now, just know that.
• Someone you do or don’t know sends you an inappropriate picture–absolutely do not. Don’t save it to your camera roll and do not send it to anyone–again, it could be illegal. Delete it immediately (and then empty your deleted folder), and then let your parents or trusted adult know what happened. If it’s someone you don’t know, block and report them, if it’s someone you do know, your parents can assess what action to take.
• Someone you met online wants you to meet them in-person alone–absolutely do not. I don’t care how cute their profile pic looks, I don’t care how nice they seem, I don’t care what they offered you; do not meet anyone alone. And before you think, okay I’ll just bring my bestie with me–no that’s not the solution. Like I said at the beginning, you don’t know if they are who they say they are. They could be catfishing you, pretending to be someone else, and they might not have good intentions. And that’s not a risk you should take.

There’s a lot more I want to discuss another time. Just know that the internet as a whole isn’t a scary place filled with scary people, but there are enough of those people online that you have to be extremely cautious. As they say, knowledge is power, so I’m glad we could chat about this because I want you to feel more capable as you navigate your digital world.

Resources

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