Hot Take on Beauty

I’ve got a hot take, and some of you might not like it that much, for others it might not apply to you right now. But I hope you’ll still listen because it needs to be said. It’s something I wish I understood years ago, so I’m trying to help you see it sooner than I did.

My Rabbit Hole Epiphany

I recently went down an online shopping rabbit hole (for longer than I care to admit) looking for skincare products. At some point during my searching and scrolling, I looked up from my screen and thought about how much time and energy I spend shopping for skin/body care or makeup or hair care, AND how much money I spend on those skin/body/makeup/hair products or treatments, AND how much time and energy I spend doing my skin/body/makeup/hair routines. And then I tried to multiply that by nearly 30 years that have passed since I started my skin/body/makeup/hair routines as a tween; they’ve cost me a LOT of time and energy and money.

Society’s Expectations

My experience is not unique, it’s pretty typical for girls and women. Some people may consider it stereotypical, like girls take forever to get ready, or ugh Sephora tweens are annoying, or women are obsessed with how they look. But on the other hand, it’s not our fault that society (print/digital/social media, beauty/diet/wellness/fashion/fitness industries) encourages, expects, and even demands that girls and women live up to their standards and look a certain way in order to be acceptable to society.

Beauty Costs Time + Energy

This rabbit hole epiphany I had was underscored by a few books I just read. The first was “Sexism & Sensibility” by Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein (who I’d love to have on the podcast). In her chapter titled, “Beauty is the Beast,” she explains, “teen girls spend 7.7 hours per week on their appearance, nearly double that of boys,” and “if a girl spends an extra long hour getting ready while a boy is, say, practicing his instrument, that’s another barrier to gender inequality.” What she’s saying is, we girls and women spend more time on skin/body care (double cleansing, exfoliating, serums, masks, shaving, plucking, tanning, nails), we spend more time doing makeup (blending, contouring, cat eye lining, lip glossing), and we spend more time doing our hair (washing, brushing, drying, curling, straightening, highlighting, deep conditioning)–we girls and women spend more time maintaining our appearance than boys and men do. We feel like we HAVE to do these things to live up to society’s expectations of what we SHOULD look like, and consequently we have less time and energy to do things we WANT or NEED to do. Boys and men have more time, literally hours more each week, to do homework/study/research, to practice a skill/instrument/sport, to have fun, to sleep, or just to chill. Girls and women are at a disadvantage because we have less time to do those things since society demands we maintain our appearance. And those hours each week add up–over the course of a year, if you spend one hour getting ready everyday, you will have spent two weeks of that year just getting ready.

Beauty Costs Money

The other book that struck me was “Rich Girl Nation” by Katie Gatti Tassin. While the entire book is a finance guide for women, the first chapter illustrates the financial cost of having to keep up an “acceptable feminine appearance,” which Katie calls the “hot girl hamster wheel.” If you girls haven’t seen a hamster wheel, it’s a circular wheel on a stand, and a hamster runs inside the wheel, making it spin; but the hamster isn’t going anywhere, it’s just running in place as the wheel goes around. In our case, we keep spending money on skin/body/makeup/hair products and treatments to maintain an acceptable appearance for society, but when those products run out or we switch brands or the results don’t last, we have to sink more money into skin/body/makeup/hair products and treatments, and the “hot girl hamster wheel” goes around and around. Maybe you’re not paying for these items right now (your parents are), but soon enough you’ll have to. Over the years, if you keep trying to maintain the appearance society expects from you, as you get older the cost of these products and treatments goes up, too.

The Pink Tax

On top of that, there’s the pink tax–a cute name for a cruel practice. Many products marketed to girls and women cost more than they do for men, like 7-13 percent more depending on the product, for example women’s shampoo, shaving cream, and razors cost more for girls. Pink bikes, helmets, and scooters cost more for girls. Guys’ clothes are bigger than girls’ and women’s styles, but too often ours cost more. Additionally, we have the added cost of feminine hygiene products for decades of our lives.

The Cost of Being a Woman

All of those costs and more add up over the years. A Her Money report estimated it costs $300,000 more to be a woman than to be a man. That’s absurd and so unfair. And what’s worse, we also have the gender pay gap, which we discussed in episode 124. On average, US women make 84 cents for every dollar a white man makes in the same job. The gender pay gap for Black and Hispanic women is even wider–69 cents and 58 cents, respectively, for every dollar a white man makes.

So not only do we make less money than men, it also costs us more money to maintain our appearance AND it costs us more time and energy, too. Society set us up this way; it’s been going on for decades, and it’s so frustrating to know society (again, print/digital/social media, beauty/diet/wellness/fashion/fitness industries) want to keep us on that hamster wheel. While shifts are happening with the gender pay gap, at the rate it’s going in the US, the gap would close in the year 2067, when I’m 83 years old. And it could take 134 years to close the global gender pay gap.

How to Change The Cost

Historically, many systemic changes have taken more time than they should’ve, but you girls could become the leaders and legislators that make change happen sooner. Until then, what can you do to bring down the cost of beauty?

Katie’s advice is a “hot girl detox.” Keep track of your skin/body/makeup/hair expenses, and then ask yourself “Is this thing giving me the value that I want, and if it’s not, what could I try instead?” Or what could you get rid of? Maybe you don’t need a tinted moisturizer AND foundation, or you don’t need to replace an entire eyeshadow palate just for one shade–that’ll save you money. Also remember that more expensive products won’t necessarily give you better results.

For hair care, frequently dying or lightening your hair, or using hot tools everyday, can dry out or even fry your hair, making it break or fall out (and then you have to pay for another hair cut). So to save your hair and time/energy/money, like I said in the last episode, try heatless curls, dry shampoo, different styles to stretch your hair wash days, and ease up on the hair treatments, too.

Save Your Time + Energy + Money

I know it’s hard to push back on society’s expectations, but you don’t need to do a 12-step skincare routine, or wear a full face of makeup, or do photoshoot-ready hair, or transform into a different version of yourself before you show up in the world. Remember, how you look is the least interesting thing about you–there’s much more to who you are, how you think, and what you can do. AND time is money, energy is money, and money is money; the more time and energy and money you spend on things, the less time and energy and money you’ll have. But the inverse is, the less time and energy and money you spend, the MORE time and energy and money you’ll not only have, but you’ll save, and be able to do so much more throughout your life with.

Resources

If you have a topic suggestion, I’d love to hear from you! Send an email (tweens get the OK from your parents) to hello@EmpowerfulGirls.com .

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