Gratitude Again

We celebrated Thanksgiving this week in the US, and if you did too, I hope you had a wonderful time with your loved ones. This holiday always reminds us to feel gratitude, and we’ve explored it from multiple angles–episode 003 was about the science of gratitude, tools to practice it and keeping a gratitude journal; episode 049 explored focusing on having more versus never enough, and being grateful even when things aren’t great; and episode 079 shared the importance of saying “Thank you” and the impact it can have on you and others. Could there possibly be even more to say about gratitude? Actually, yes. The reason I keep revisiting this topic is because practicing it can have a profound impact on your life. So let’s take another look at gratitude.

Triggers

To set the stage first, you’ve probably heard the term “triggers,” which refers to things that instantly bring on negative feelings like fear or anger. When we are triggered and our body senses a threat, it switches on our fight, flight, or freeze response in our nervous system, causing us to have an intense physiological reaction–heart rate increases, face feels hot, jaw clenches, chest gets tight. Triggers can be sensitive topics in a conversation or video, situations like overcrowded places, things like startling noises or raised voices, places or even people that cause you distress or remind you of something from your past. Everyone’s triggers are different, maybe you’ve noticed yours. Triggers can interfere with our daily life, disrupt our thoughts, and send us on a downward spiral. When our stress response is activated too often or for too long, it can have a negative effect on our physical and mental health. So how can we counteract these triggers that will inevitably pop up in our lives?

Glimmers

Have you heard the term “glimmers”? They are the exact opposite of triggers. Glimmers are things that instantly bring positive feelings like joy, wonder, calm, and connection. They cue our body that we are safe, which helps reregulate our nervous system. Glimmers are mini moments or experiences that make you feel the world is a bit brighter. Glimmers can be cuddling with your pet, laughing with your sibling, noticing stars appear, hearing your favorite song, or seeing a baby smile at you. Just hearing those examples makes me feel more at ease.

You know I always share the science behind things. Glimmers are a rather recent concept. In 1995 neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal theory, how our automatic nervous system constantly scans for threats, and our vagus nerve responds accordingly. Then in 2018, licensed clinical social worker Deb Dana coined the term “glimmer” in the book “The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation.” And thanks to a TikTok video in 2022 by psychologist Dr. Justine Grosso, the understanding of glimmers spread.

Benefits of Glimmers:

I want to point out that glimmers are not big, bold, and obvious like a spotlight–that’s why they’re called “glimmers”–they are small and subtle, and they take effort and intention to notice. Nevertheless, recognizing the tiny glimmers around us can actually make a huge difference in our life.

Improve Mental Health

Like we talked about in episode 004, Be The Good, you can choose to notice things that are yellow even when you’re surrounded by blue. Glimmers help us do that. And just by shifting your focus from what’s going wrong all around you to the little things that are right in the world will make you less depressed, stressed, and anxious, and feel happy, fulfilled, and better overall.

Build Resilience

Finding glimmers in your life won’t eliminate your triggers, but they can help you deal with them better. Think of glimmers like football pads–if you got tackled in a game, the padding would help it not hurt as much, making it easier for you to get back up and keep playing. Psychiatrist Dr. Lisa MacLean said, “Noticing these few seconds of bliss helps build emotional resilience, keeps your nervous system in balance, and even enhances creativity.”

Boost Logic

Licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin said glimmers help us take a break from uncomfortable emotions, which in turn boosts our logic, “That means you might be able to tackle a problem from a different angle because you see things a little differently, or you might be able to talk yourself into doing something difficult, once your anxiety subsides a little.”

Connect Us

Our loved ones tend to be part of our glimmers–like playing a game with your family, belting out a song with your friends, or listening to your grandparent share a story from their childhood. Even simple moments shared together can strengthen your connection with your relationships.

Grow Mindfulness

We all would do well to slow down and look up from life’s constant distractions. Seeking out glimmers with intention, and pausing to be present when you find them, will help you reset and refresh, and expand your mindfulness and perspective.

How to Find Glimmers:

Again, glimmers are not super obvious, eye-catching, or attention-grabbing. Finding glimmers will take effort, but the more you try to notice them, the better you’ll get at it.

Identify Your Glimmers–create a list of small and subtle things, people, places, and memories that make you smile, help you feel safe, or bring you peace. Add to this list when you think of more glimmers or experience new ones.

Be Intentional–if you want to notice more glimmers, you have to shift from passively thinking they’re possible to intentionally finding where they exist. Seek out what’s positive, beautiful, awe-inspiring, and joyful. Think of it like a daily treasure hunt with a priceless reward that lasts longer and feels better.

Cut out triggers–you can eliminate some triggers from your life to free up mental space for glimmers. Like unfollow an influencer or account that makes you feel bad, draw a boundary with a toxic friend, or switch up your go-to music or shows if they are bringing you down.

Use Your Senses–whether you’re indoors or out, engage your five senses to find glimmers. Pay attention to what you can see (sunlight making a puddle sparkle), hear (a giggling baby), smell (air after rain), taste (warm fresh cookies), and touch (a kitten’s soft fur). This is a great mindfulness exercise.

Swap Screen Time for Nature–while you might find some glimmers through viral videos of baby animals or feel good stories, glimmers hit different when you experience them in real life (not through a screen). Take time every day to get outside and find something special in your backyard or walking down your street or at a city park or in undisturbed nature. Glimmers galore.

Glimmers and Gratitude:

The most important part of finding glimmers is appreciating them. After all, what good is having a collection of something if you don’t treasure them. So each time you find a glimmer, take a moment to truly be grateful for it. You can write why you’re thankful for each glimmer in a gratitude journal, reflect on how much more you have in your life because of your glimmers, and say thank you to people who are glimmers to you.

There will always be wrong things in the world–struggles, injustice, despair. It’s easy to notice the negative, and if we only focus on that, life will be pretty dark. We have to remember: glimmers are everywhere; we are surrounded by their light. Practicing gratitude for the tiny sparks of glimmers will help them glow brighter within us, giving us more light to share with others. I truly hope you will recognize and appreciate the glimmers in your life, and I would love to hear about your experience.

Glimmers List

To help you remember all of this, I created a “Glimmers List” for you to print out, personalize, and post on your wall where you’ll see it, remember it, practice it, and believe it — that’s the important part.

Resources

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