Is There An Imposter Among Us

Let’s talk about imposter syndrome. Maybe you’ve heard of it, and even if you haven’t, once I tell you what it is, it’ll probably sound familiar. Merriam Webster dictionary’s definition of “imposter syndrome” is “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent DOUBT concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments, accompanied by the FEAR of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success.” So this phenomenon makes you feel like you’re an imposter, you’re a fake who got lucky yet is inadequate, you don’t deserve your achievements, you’re not worthy of your successes–even though you worked for and earned them all.

Imposter Syndrome in Tweens + Teens

A lot of the conversations about imposter syndrome focus on women, but many tweens and teens experience it too, which makes sense considering all of the pressure you’re under to be a high performer in school, in extracurriculars, and in life. You might feel this pressure from adult mentors like your teachers, coaches, or academic counselors who are challenging you to work hard and do your best. But you could interpret that as “be the best,” and with high stakes like college and careers and your future looming ahead, you may feel like you’re competing against everyone, so you start comparing yourself against everyone.

Or the pressure might be at home from your parents’ or relatives’ expectations. They may tell you, “You can be anything,” but you hear, “You have to be everything.” Or they might even tell you who and what you should be. While their intentions may come from a good place, if they’re constantly correcting and criticizing you, it could make you strive even harder for perfection. You don’t want to let them down or disappoint them, so you feel you have to do everything you can to make them proud.

Or the pressure could be from the messages we girls hear from society, not to act too confident or proud of yourself or you’ll come off as vain or stuck up. Instead you need to be especially humble and grateful to the point of minimizing your accomplishments.

The Impact of Imposter Syndrome

But all that compounding pressure opens the door wide open for imposter syndrome, and it starts taking its toll. You overwork yourself to prove yourself. You feel disappointed when you do good but not great. You second-guess your abilities. You avoid taking risks because you’re afraid to fail. And when you do fail, you hide it, ashamed. You don’t take credit for your efforts, downplaying your contributions. You don’t want to lead because you’re afraid people will discover you’re a fraud (even though you aren’t). You may even start experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety. Imposter syndrome eats you up inside because, despite all you have done, you feel you’ll never be good enough.

How Do We Deal With Imposter Syndrome

Ooof. How are we supposed to deal with that? My first instinct was to tell you the solution to imposter syndrome is to focus on progress not perfection, and effort instead of outcome. To learn to accept compliments and recognition when you worked for it and deserve it. To see failures as opportunities to learn and try again. To stop comparing yourself and competing against others, and instead focus on your goals for yourself. To practice self care and tune into what you need. To talk with friends about how you’re feeling so you don’t feel as alone and you can support each other. To work with a mentor who can show you paths to your career. These ideas are all great and they can help. AND there’s more to it with imposter syndrome.

Ilona Maher on Imposter Syndrome

Last week CNN journalist Christina Macfarlane asked Team USA Olympian and rugby star Ilona Maher how she overcomes imposter syndrome. Ilona said frankly, “I don’t have that.”

Christina: Really? What?

Ilona: No, I don’t know what that is. It’s like when you don’t feel like you deserve it? Nope I don’t think I have it.

Christina: Okay, what, like, how is that possible? I feel like imposter syndrome ruins my life sometimes.

Ilona: I feel like I deserve what I’ve done. I think that I’ve worked very hard, even in the rugby space, I played sports my whole life … [she goes on] and then I do all the work off the field, I posted videos consistently from Tokyo til now. I posted many videos a day. I put myself out there. I put my whole personality, my whole everything out there.

Christina: So basically you’re just saying, don’t even acknowledge it.

Ilona: I just don’t think I have that, which I think also people are told sometimes to feel like they have that imposter syndrome, but it’s okay to be proud of what you’ve done. It’s okay to believe you deserve something because you’ve put in the work for it.

When I saw that video, I was amazed. I thought, I want to get to that place where I can be proud of myself and believe I deserve what I worked for. I want to not be phased by imposter syndrome.

Then I had an experience just yesterday, my very gracious friend chose me to be the recipient of a generous gift. I was so surprised when she told me and I felt extremely grateful, yet in the back of my mind I thought, “I can think of plenty of women who deserve this more than I do.” The irony was not lost on me, that I was in the middle of writing this podcast episode about imposter syndrome, and here I was feeling like an imposter.

Reshma Saujani on Imposter Syndrome

I shared that experience with another friend, she has been my biggest cheerleader from even before I launched this podcast. And she reminded me about Smith College’s 2023 Commencement speaker, Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Reshma spoke about imposter syndrome, and after sharing about the history of the bicycle (I’m gonna tell you more on that in March for Women’s History Month), she said “Imposter syndrome is based on the premise that we’re the problem, that if we feel we’re underqualified it’s because we are, that if we worry that we don’t have what it takes it’s because we don’t. But in my experience I have found that discomfort, anxiety to just be a natural human reaction.” She goes on to say that imposter syndrome is not actually our responsibility to fix, “Imposter syndrome is the result of structural inequality, not individual inadequacy.” 

It’s the Emperor’s New Clothes

There are systems and structures and messaging that have been in place long before you or I were born, long before the terms “imposter syndrome” or “phenomenon” were coined (1978), even long before the invention of the bicycle. They intend to make you underestimate yourself, play small, bow out, and get in the box (episode 099). And we need to challenge that. We need to stop asking women and girls about imposter syndrome, so they stop assuming they have it. It’s a scam, it only exists if we accept it to be true. Imposter syndrome is the Emperor’s New Clothes–just because people act like it’s there doesn’t mean we have to play along.

Believe You Are Enough

We need to believe that we are enough–talented enough, smart enough, hard-working enough, strong enough, capable enough, qualified enough, worthy enough. And we need to believe that we deserve what we work for, what we earn, and what we achieve. We can be humble and grateful, AND celebrate our wins, own our successes, and be proud of all we’ve done. To illustrate how you can do this, I’ll close with a quote from the Barbie movie.

“The nobel prize for Journalism goes to … Barbie!”
“I worked very hard, so I deserve it.”

Yes you do, girls.

I Deserve It printable

To help you, I created a “I Deserve It” poster for you to print out, personalize, and post on your wall where you’ll see it, remember it, practice it, and believe it — that’s the important part.

Resources

If you have a topic suggestion, I’d love to hear from you! Send an email (tweens get the OK from your parents) to hello@EmpowerfulGirls.com .

Also check out my You’ve Got This Year! Calendar in my Shop. It’s a printable calendar with monthly topics + quotes, giving you inspiration, organization, and motivation throughout 2025. 

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