We Just Can’t Win

I keep seeing something happen, a situation playing out in different scenarios, and I want to point it out to you girls. Sometimes it feels like … we just can’t win.

Taking Up Space

For example, you may have heard that last week, Blue Origin (an American space technology company) launched the first-ever all-female space flight crew. You would think people would be celebrating this long-overdue achievement. However, it received an overwhelming amount of backlash focusing on the crewmembers, including a pop star, a TV morning show host, a film producer, and the fiancee of Blue Origin’s billionaire owner. Critics reduced it to a celebrity-packed publicity stunt.

So even though it took 64 years of space travel to finally have an all-female crew, even though, out of the 700 people who’ve been to space, barely 100 are women; even though that fiancee is also a helicopter pilot, even though another crewmember was former NASA rocket scientist Aisha Bowe, who was the first person of Bahamian descent to visit space, and who conducted three research experiments during that space flight; even though the other crewmember was Amanda Nguyen, a bioastronautics research scientist who’s worked at Harvard, MIT, and NASA; who was a Nobel Peace Prize nominee, who was TIME’s Woman of the Year, and who was the first Vietnamese and Southeast Asian woman astronaut. Despite all of that, people criticized, minimized, and mocked what should have been celebrated, supported, and inspiring.

And it wasn’t the first time, either. In November, MIT aerospace engineer Emily Callendrelli, also known as The Space Gal, flew on another Blue Origin mission to conduct experiments, and she became the 100th woman to travel to space. But shortly afterward, perverted guys started circulating a video online misinterpreting her reaction to seeing the planet Earth from space. Seriously. We just can’t win.

Playing Sports

Another example, over the past few years, women’s sports has seen a surge in popularity. Women’s college basketball viewership has increased ever since 2022 when the NCAA finally started using the same “March Madness” branding for the Women’s Basketball Championship that it had been using for the men’s event. And there’s the Caitlin Clark Effect–she’s had a massive impact on the visibility and interest in women’s college basketball and the WNBA. Others who played and were drafted at the same time as her added to this as well–like Angel Reese, Cameron Brink, Rickea Jackson, and Kamilla Cardoso. This year’s WNBA draft just wrapped and there’s a lot of excitement about the top picks Paige Bueckers, Dominique Malonga, Sonia Citron, Aneesah Morrow and more. The women’s college volleyball match in Nebraska on August 30, 2023–92,003 people attended, breaking the world record for attendance at ANY women’s sporting event.

Of course you’ve got the GOAT Simone Biles, the most decorated gymnast in history, who has inspired countless people with her unbelievable talent and remarkable resilience. Plus other athletes in the 2024 Summer Olympic Games increased visibility of their sport through both their performance and social media presence, like rugby player Ilona Maher, gymnasts Sunisa Lee and Jordan Chiles, sprinter Sha’Carri Richardson and more.

Over the past few decades Serena and Venus Williams took tennis to a whole new level, and more recently players like Naomi Osaka and Coco Gauff have kept the energy going. In fact, last year Coco Gauff was the highest paid female athlete, with $30.4 million dollars. Athletes earn money through their team’s contract salary, tournament prize money and/or brand sponsorships and endorsements. So, even though women’s sports has exploded in interest, viewership, attendance, media coverage and revenue, the 100 highest paid athletes in 2024 were all men. Number 100 at the bottom of that list was the 23rd best quarterback in the NFL Daniel Jones with $37.5 million dollars, and yet he still made millions more than Coco Gauff. Even more discouraging, soccer player Christiano Ronaldo was at the top of that 100 list, and he earned $260 million dollars, which was $229 million dollars more than the highest paid female athlete. That gender-pay gap is abysmal, and unfortunately based on a recent social media exchange I had, a lot of guys on the internet don’t think female athletes deserve to be paid equal to men, let alone paid more. We just can’t win.

The Taylor Swift Effect

Remember two years ago Taylor Swift started dating NFL tight end Travis Kelce, and began attending football games to cheer him on? Immediately there was a significant boost in female viewership, merchandise sales, ticket prices, and popularity. The Taylor Swift Effect added over $1 billion dollars in brand value to the league that season. But even more powerful was the effect she had on girls and women–more daughters/girlfriends/wives across the country started watching football games with their dads/boyfriends/husbands, AND more girls became interested in playing football.

And yet of course there was also immediate and constant pushback by a lot of guys who complained about Taylor being there, who booed when she was shown on TV or the jumbotron (but they didn’t boo when OTHER celebrities or players’ girlfriends/wives were shown on TV). And these same guys showed up to football games with big signs and coordinated outfits and body paint because they were big fans of their team, yet they criticized girls and women for showing up to the Eras Tour with big signs and coordinated outfits and body glitter because they’re big fans too. We just can’t win. As Gloria says in her iconic Barbie movie monologue said, “It is literally impossible to be a woman.” And a girl I might add.

So Win.

A few months ago Nike addressed this challenge in their Super Bowl LIX ad. The narrator, rapper Doechii, echoes society’s messages to girls and women about what they think we’re not supposed to do and be–that we can’t be demanding, relentless, confident, or emotional; we can’t challenge, dominate, flex, or fill a stadium; we can’t take credit, speak up, be so ambitious, break records, have any fun, make demands, be proud, keep score, or stand out. “Whatever you do, you can’t win,” she says. “So win.”

Do It Anyway.

Girls, no matter the goals you achieve, the effort you give, the difference you make, or the ceilings you break, there will always be critics and haters and trolls who will disregard, make fun of, and undervalue all that you’re doing. So … do it anyway.

Mother Teresa was a nun, a Nobel Peace Prize recipient, and a Saint, who devoted her life to serving those who were suffering. A revised poem by Kent Keith was written on the wall of Mother Teresa’s children’s home in Kolkata. I want to read you part of it:

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

We just can’t win. So win.

Prove them wrong. Take risks. Use your voice. Stand up. Share your light. Create waves. Leave your mark. Take up space. Defy gravity. Inspire change. Break records. Make history.

No matter what they say, do it anyway. 

Do It Anyway Printable

To help you, I created a poster with that message for you to print out, personalize, and post on your wall where you’ll see it, remember it, practice it, and believe it — that’s the important part.

Resources

If you have a topic suggestion, I’d love to hear from you! Send an email (tweens get the OK from your parents) to hello@EmpowerfulGirls.com .

Also check out my You’ve Got This Year! Calendar in my Shop. It’s a printable calendar with monthly topics + quotes, giving you inspiration, organization, and motivation throughout 2025. 

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