Anxiety Is Taking Over Me

I’ve received several requests for an episode on anxiety. Just like my ADHD episode 112, this topic is personal to me because I’ve had a lot of experience with anxiety. And lucky me, people with ADHD often also have anxiety. I touched on anxiety in episode 032 Mental Health + Mental Illness, but this episode will take a closer look at it from my angle. I will preface this by reminding you–I am not a healthcare professional, I am not offering medical advice, a diagnosis, or treatment. I still think it’s important you gals hear others’ perspectives, both so you’ll feel more comfortable talking about anxiety or seeking support if you need it, and also to help you better understand those who experience it.

Anxious vs. Anxiety

I first want to point out that feeling anxious doesn’t automatically mean you have an anxiety disorder. Life is full of stressors that stress us out. Usually once the stressor is managed or behind us, like a big exam or tournament or concert, the anxious feeling subsides and we feel less stressed (see episode 015 Manage Stress and episode 030 Self Care for Stress). But when the anxious feelings or symptoms go on for several months and start impacting your quality of life, when there’s not an actual threat, that’s usually not just typical stress. Again, I’m not a doctor, and also, I know that living constantly in an anxious state is not sustainable. Here are some ways anxiety shows up with me.

Catastrophizing

My incredibly creative ADHD brain has an uncanny ability to catastrophize, meaning, I can think of the worst possible outcomes imaginable. And because I’m able to think of them, I automatically believe they’re probable, even if they’re extremely unlikely to happen. Sometimes it starts with an intrusive thought, an unpleasant idea, worry, or fear pops into my head. And then my mind is a runaway train, thinking of all kinds of things that could go wrong. For example, my friend didn’t message me back–oh no, she must be annoyed with me, what if she doesn’t want to hang out anymore, and then nobody wants to be friends with me. OR I ate some pizza that sat out and got cold–that meat might be bad now, I’m probably gonna get sick, I have to cancel all my plans for the next three days. OR I hit a curb while driving–what if I got a flat tire, I’m gonna be stranded on the side of the road, and it’s summer in Las Vegas so then I’m gonna get heat stroke. I understand that sounds absurd when I say these trains of thought out loud. And yet, I go ahead and give these catastrophized thoughts a chance even when they don’t deserve it.

Rumination

And then comes rumination. Remember we talked about this in episode 084 How to Look Back. Rumination is like letting your mind play negative thoughts stuck on repeat. The playlist of anxious thoughts cycles through, then I rewind and listen to it all over again, and the further I downward spiral. For me this can be especially hard when I’m trying to go to bed, but my brain won’t shut off. My mind keeps going through my catastrophizing thoughts on loop. Then I wind up losing sleep because I kept feeding my fears through rumination.

Worried Sick

I used to think people were exaggerating when they said they were “worried sick” about something; but now I understand what they meant because I’ve literally worried myself sick. I can recognize the nausea that comes when I worry about something excessively. Anxiety messes with my gut. I was surprised to learn that the brain and the stomach are closely connected. When my head is spinning with thoughts, my stomach is usually turning, too. I’ve heard multiple stories from school nurses, counselors, and healthcare professionals who said they had a student come to them complaining about stomach aches, and instead of it being a food issue, it was anxiety-related.

Anxiety Attack

A few times my anxiety has been so bad that I had an anxiety attack. And some people call it a panic attack and use those terms interchangeably, but from what I understand, they’re different–a panic attack comes out of nowhere, it’s very sudden, and is linked to having a panic disorder. An anxiety attack comes from a certain trigger or worry, which can gradually lead to the anxiety attack. In the movie Inside Out 2 (and this isn’t a big spoiler), it illustrates well what happens leading up to and during an anxiety attack, showing the character Anxiety completely frozen at the control panel. When I experienced this, my heart was racing, my breathing was rapid and hard to control, I felt dizzy, nauseous, and had to lie down, and wasn’t able to think or function beyond that moment until the anxiety attack passed.

Tools to help

I recognize this hasn’t been a very encouraging episode up to this point. But there are several tools that have helped me deal with anxiety. And again, I’m not recommending medical treatments, just helpful coping skills.

Other Case Scenarios

To counter catastrophizing, I try to think of other possibilities too. If I’m gonna consider the worst case scenarios as probable outcomes, I also want to allow space for best case scenarios or base case scenarios. I mentioned this in episode 085–there’s a lot of options between the most awful and most awesome thing that could happen, so what would be a “mid” possibility. I also try to check myself while catastrophizing, like I ask myself–how reasonable is that idea, or what outcomes are more-likely to happen? Yes, there may be a chance the worst thing could actually occur, but there’s a higher probability something else will. That helps ground me. 

Distractions

To get myself out of a rumination loop, I have to distract myself, take my attention elsewhere. Things I’ve found helpful are listening to upbeat music–and singing or dancing along, watching movies with less drama and a happy ending, moving my body to release some endorphins and emotions, reading an uplifting book, getting off social media and putting my phone down–does wonders!, taking a nap or getting a solid night’s sleep, even just relocating to a different room or going outside for a change of scenery and air can help me reset.

Stop Digging

I also try to catch myself before the rumination sends me on a downward spiral. There’s a saying that goes, “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” Because if you keep digging, the hole will only get deeper and harder to get out of. I know how my mind works, so I want to help myself not have as hard of a time by staying mindful.

Breathing

All those tools for catastrophizing and rumination also help me when I get worried sick. And another tool that’s been helpful when I feel nauseous and also with anxiety attacks is intentional breathing. I know it sounds so simple, but I’m telling you, I know firsthand that it’s a great skill to have when you need it. I explored breathing techniques in episode 005, and one thing I’ve been practicing recently is taking cleansing breaths slowly in through my nose, and then sighing it out, and repeating that three times. The 4-7-8 method has been effective at helping me slow down my heart rate. And when your heart rate regulates, and your breathing regulates, it’s easier for your brain to get out of fight or flight mode and regulate your thoughts.

More Helpful Phrases

Some worry and anxiety can be helpful if it motivates us to do things and take action. Like if you have a big test you’re concerned about, worry makes you study for it. Or if you have a big game and you’re nervous about it, you’ll practice shots or passes so you feel less anxious. But a lot of the time we get hung up on unproductive worrying about things that we can’t do anything about, they’re out of our control. 

So for those anxieties, there are a few other helpful phrases I’ve seen shared on social media that I try to remember when I feel anxious. The first one is  “Worrying about something won’t prevent it from happening.” Like, the act of worrying itself isn’t going to do anything to solve the issue or alter the future. What it WILL do is make me more anxious and upset, I know that. So if there is something I can do to prevent what I’m worried about, I try to see if there’s a solution or action I can take. But if there’s not, I need to accept the things I can’t control (episode 002).

The other phrase is, “Worrying is worshiping the problem.” Which when you think about it, makes a lot of sense–and I don’t want to worship problems, I have other ideas I want to spend my time and energy and creativity on. I don’t want anxiety to take over my control panel, and influence my thoughts, my emotions, my decisions, and my behaviors from a place of worry and fear.

Therapy

I know that coping with anxiety is so much easier said than done. But you don’t have to deal with it alone. There are people in your life who can support you, and I encourage you to turn to them. If you need help asking someone for help, I want you to relisten to episode 075. Along with talking to trusted adults, therapy has also been really helpful for me. Mental health professionals have the knowledge, training, and tools to create a treatment plan for their clients. Talking with someone who knows how to listen and how to help me individually has been very effective.

I just want you girls to know that I love you, and I see that you’re dealing with a lot, and I know that you’re doing the best you can, and I don’t want it to be any harder for you than it has to be. I hope that by sharing my experience, it’s helped you understand anxiety a little better, at least in the ways it shows up with me. And that this has helped you feel more comfortable talking about it.

Resources

Some books that may be helpful for you are:
The Anxiety Workbook for Teens by Lisa M Schab
What to Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner

And for parents:
The Anxious Generation by Jonathon Haidt
The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa Damour

Movie: Inside Out 2

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